Monday, October 25, 2010

nerves and tears.

I've been a basket case of nerves recently -- maybe hormones?  Not sure, but whatever my problem is, I'm ready for it to go away!

Saturday night, Stephen and I watched "Changeling" with Angelina Jolie.  I had been told  awhile back that this was a "good movie."   .........DOES THE PERSON WHO TOLD ME THIS NOT KNOW ME AT ALL?!?!?!?!?  I canNOT watch movies like that.  They get to my head too much.  I cried so much that on Sunday morning, everything  was blurry because my eyes were so swollen and puffy.

I think what really gets to me about the movie is that it is based on a true story -- and while I know that there are sick, sick people in this world, and I know that things like that happen, it just scares the ever loving you-know-what out of me when I think about it happening to MY baby.

Stephen and I just don't watch scary movies - he doesn't think they're any good, and I am just too vulnerable to scary stuff.  It messes with my head, affects my sleep, and stays with me for too long.  I can watch (most) episodes of CSI-type shows without it really bothering me, but "based-on-true-story" movies like Changeling fall under the "don't watch" category at our house.  And now I need to change the subject because I don't want any more of this creepiness of my blog!

Today I had my Teacher Education Program admission interview at Henderson.  I was a nervous WRECK beforehand.  I was so upset... it actually got to the point where I was having to tell myself -- "GET a GRIP, Stephanie!"  I was super nervous about the interview and my portfolio.  I cried (hard) no less than THREE different times within a 20-minute period before the interview.  I'm not sure what qualifies as a panic attack... but I'm pretty sure that's what I was having.

I know the reasoning behind this one -- I had to do this same interview when I was an Elementary Education major several years ago -- during a semester when I had pretty much lost all interest in college.  Or classes.  Or preparing/studying for classes.  It wasn't a pretty semester, and I've really had to work hard to make up for all the mistakes I made that semester.

That semester, I had to do this same interview -- and I completely bombed it.  I didn't study the sample questions, I didn't have a complete portfolio, I wasn't prepared AT ALL, and I did horrible.  I didn't pass it. 

I was so much more prepared this time around -- but I still let my nerves get the best of me and my poor masacara was basically all gone by the time I walked into the interview room.  I'm sure my face was red and swollen, but (haha) maybe the interviewers felt sorry for me and awarded me more "points" since I was so upset.  Not really. ;)  I think I did okay.  I answered all the questions just like I had studied them and I feel like everything went fine.  I hope so, at least.  I'll find out my results on November 5th.

I'm ready for a few days with no tears and minimal stress.  The worst part of this week is over and I am SO ready for a few days with nothing big on the agenda!  (Or scary creepy movies!)

2 comments:

  1. I am ready for Christmas break. No more studying or stressing over ethics for a whole month. (hopefully if I pass ethics I will never have to worry bout it again.)

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  2. OH, I remember those horrible days of stress at Henderson. I'm so sorry that you have been so upset!
    Only a few more weeks until Thanksgiving- then wonderful, wonderful Christmas break!!

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--Steph